Summary

The mind is a rider on an elephant – conscious reasoning steering a much larger unconscious system. Happiness follows a formula: H = S + C + V, where S is your genetic set point (50-80%), C is conditions (relationships, autonomy, commute), and V is voluntary activities (pleasures and flow). The adaptation principle means we're sensitive to changes, not absolutes. Relationships are the single best predictor of happiness. Post-traumatic growth is real. Six virtues appear across all cultures: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
~ Shakespeare

Key Takeaways

Notes

1: The divided self

• Rider on an elephant
• Confabulation: brain narrates all actions, including those out of conscious control
• Automatic vs controlled processes
  • Eg. flashing words changes behavior
• Forebrain (2MYA) → language → planning
• Moravec’s paradox: 3.2B vs 2M years

2: Changing your mind

• Subliminal bias towards things that sound like our own name
• Negativity bias
• Personality is more genetic than we think
  • 50-80% of happiness is genetic
• Meditation, CBT, SSRIs

3: Reciprocity with a vengeance

• Kin altruism, genetic tit-for-tat
  • Eg. stranger Christmas cards
• #1 sales strategy: reciprocity (give first)
• Mimicry

4: The faults of others

• Motivated reasoning → hypocrisy
• Therefore, life is all social comparison
• Cultivate a reputation for being fair
• Accurate view of others, rosy view of self
  • Eg. cooperation game: predicted 84% self, 64% others, but only 61% actual
  • Eg. donation: predicted $2.44 self, $1.83 others, but only $1.53 actual
  • ^ when told actual, revised others estimates but not own estimate
• Ambiguity allows for motived reasoning
  • Eg. leadership traits to fit self (70% above average, 2% below)
  • 94% feel they do above average work
  • Total contribution: 120-139%
• Naive realism: self-optimism bias
• Idealism, religious dualism of good and evil
• Learn to recognize your biases (“should”)

5: The pursuit of happiness

• Pleasure comes from the journey, not end
• Adaptation principle: mind is more sensitive to changes than absolute levels
• Experienced happiness: H = S + C + V
  • S: genetic set point
  • C: conditions
  • V: voluntary activities
• Conditions: noise, commute, autonomy, shame/appearance, relationships
• Voluntary: pleasure + gratifications (flow)
• “Evolution has made us strategically irrational for good”
• Conspicuous vs inconspicuous consumption
• Paradox of choice: maximizers vs satisficers

6: Love and attachments

• Genetic mammalian need for a mother
  • Secure base needed for play, learning
• Attachment theory: safety and exploration
• Babies with developing brains need care, requiring commitment between parents
• Passionate → companionate love
• Relationships: best indicator of happiness

7: The uses of adversity

• Post-traumatic growth: stress → character
• 3 benefits of trauma:
  • Hidden abilities, character, hope
  • Deepens relationships
  • Directs priorities to the present
• 3 levels of personality;
  • Basic traits (OCEAN)
  • Characteristic adaptations: personal goals, value, beliefs, defense + coping
  • Life story: vitalizing life myth
• 4 types of life goals at level 2 ↑:
  • Work and achievement
  • Relationships and intimacy
  • Religion and spirituality
  • Generativity: leaving a legacy
• Types of life stories:
  • Commitment, contamination
• Happier people’s short-term goals match long-term goals
  • Trauma allows for inner coherence
• Three coping mechanisms:
  • Active: taking direct action to fix
  • Reappraisal: looking for silver linings
  • Avoidance: blunt emotional reactions
• Religion and happiness: outlet for trauma, innermost feelings, community values
• Explicit vs tacit knowledge
• Three responses to situations/environment:
  • Adaptation: changing self
  • Shaping: changing the environment
  • Selection: moving to new environment

8: The felicity of virtue

• Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues chart
• Virtues: cultural perceptions of what is good
• Six universal virtues:
  • Wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, transcendence (connect to something larger than self)
• Selfish gene: kin + reciprocal altruism
• Demographic vs moral diversity

9: Divinity with or without God

• Power dynamics inherent in language
• Three aspects of morality:
  • Autonomy: protect from harm, freedom
  • Community: obedience, loyalty, leader
  • Divinity: free from lust, greed, hatred
• Elevation: emotion of seeing others move up on the scale of divinity, doing a good deed
  • Oxytocin release
  • Bonding, love, trust, altruism
• Church: collective elevation
• Science removes wonder, elevation
• Divinity ↔︎ autonomy

10: Happiness comes from between

• Purpose within life, not of life (evolution)
• Love / relationships, esteem / work / flow
• Effectance: need to make thing happen
  • Competence, industry, mastery
• Vital engagement: enjoyed absorption (flow) + subjective significance (meaning)
• Physical → psychological → sociocultural
• Cross-level coherence: harmony of ↑
• Genetics, culture/memetic co-evolve
  • Group selection: religion evolved
  • Synchronized movement, chants