Summary

Dale Carnegie touches on a variety of interpersonal tactics to win friends and influence people. To make people like you, become genuinely interested in them and make them feel important. To convince others, show respect for their opinion all let the other person feel as if your idea is theirs. To get someone to do what you want, focus on the benefits for that person, frame the request in terms of their wants, and praise effort.

Key Takeaways

• Be genuinely interested in others. Remember names
• Show respect for others’ opinions, attack idea not person
• “Are you open to a different point of view?” Yes, yes, …
• Give the person a reputation to live up to by praising effort
• Focus on benefits for other person

Notes

Fundamental techniques

• Never criticize, condemn, or complain
• Give sincere appreciation
• Arouse in the other person an eager want

6 ways to make people like you

• Become genuinely interested in others
• Smile
• Remember names
• Be a good listener (talk about themselves)
• Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
• Make the other person feel important

Win people of your way of thinking

• Avoid arguments
• Show respect for others’ opinions
• If wrong, admit it quickly + emphatically
• Begin in a friendly way
• Get the other person saying “yes, yes…”
  • Start with question: “Are you open to a different point of view?”
  • Self-persuasion is most powerful
• Let the other person do the talking
• Let the other person feel the idea is theirs
• Try to see from the other person’s POV
• Be sympathetic of their ideas + desires
• Appeal to the nobler motives
• Dramatize your ideas
• Throw down the challenge

Be a leader

• Begin with praise + honest appreciation
• Call attention to mistakes indirectly
• Talk about own mistakes before criticizing
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
• Let the other person save face
• Praise the slightest improvements
• Give the person a reputation to live up to
• Use encouragement, make the fault seem easy to correct
• Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest ↓

How to make someone do what you want

• Focus on the benefits to the other person
• Know what you want the other person to do
• What does the other person really want?
• Consider how the other person benefits
• Match those benefits to the person’s wants
• When requesting, put in a form such that the other person will perceive benefit