Summary

Karl Pillaemer shares 30 life lessons based on conversations with 1000+ elderly “experts”. Build a fulfilling career by prioritizing intrinsic enjoyment, autonomy, and flexibility. Age fearlessly, stay connected, and take the long view. Take risks, try new things, and travel. Passionately express your true self. Avoid procrastination and focus on the positives. Enjoy the little things in life and to seek the life wisdom of older people.

“It’s my responsibility to be as happy as I can be. Right here, today.”

Key Takeaways

• Career: prioritize intrinsic enjoyment, autonomy, and flexibility
• Age fearlessly, stay connected, and take the long view
• Take risks, try new things, travel, passionately express your true self
• Don’t procrastinate, focus on the positive, enjoy the little things
• Seek the life wisdom of older people

Notes

1: Who are the wisest Americans and what can they tell us?

• “It’s my responsibility to be as happy as I can be. Right here, today.”
• The wisdom of crowds over a few pundits
• Asked 1000+ elderly “experts” total
• Detailed interviews of 300 people
• Distilled to 6 themes, 5 lessons each

2: Lessons for committed relationships

• Marry someone a lot like you
  • Similarity in core values
  • Don’t attempt to change your partner
• Friendship as important as romantic love
• Don’t keep score
  • Desire to give more than you get
  • How can you make their day happier?
• Talk to each other
  • Need to be able to talk about anything
  • Learn how to fight
• Commit to act of marriage itself

3: Lessons for a successful, fulfilling career

• Intrinsic rewards over monetary
• Don’t give up on finding a job that makes you happy
• Make the most of a bad job
• Emotional intelligence > all
  • Maintain a healthy humility
• Emphasize autonomy and flexibility

4: Lessons for parenting

• Spend time with your children
  • Do what they want → opens them up
• Don’t show favorites
• Don’t hit your kids
• Avoid a rift at all cost
• Take a lifelong view of relationships with children

5: Lessons for aging fearlessly and well

• Be excited about aging, view as quest
• Long view, minimize chronic disease
• Don’t worry about dying
• Stay connected
• Plan ahead about where you will live
  • And your parents, too

6: Lessons for living without regrets

• Always be honest
• Say yes to opportunities
  • Error of commission vs omission
• Travel as much as possible
  • Experience over materialism
• Choose a mate with extreme care
• Say it now, express yourself

7: Lessons for living like an expert

• Time is of the essence
  • Carpe diem: Seize the day
  • Do important things now
• Happiness is a choice, not a condition
• Stop worrying about the future
  • Focus on the day at hand
  • Have an attitude of acceptance
• Enjoy the little things in life
• Have faith
  • Community with shared values
  • Coping in times of trouble
  • One of few age integrated institutions
• The golden rule: Treat others as you want to be treated
  • Stretches across every religion

8: The last lesson

• Seek the life wisdom of older people
• Questions to ask older people:
  • What are the most important lessons you’ve learned over life?
  • Advice about getting and staying married?
  • What kinds of advice do you have about raising children?
  • Advice about finding fulfilling work?
  • Stressful experiences that led to learning?
  • Life turning points?
  • What do you know about leading a happy, successful life now that you didn’t know when you were 20?
  • Major values or principles you live by?
  • Advice about growing older?